how to deal with difficult coworkers at work

When you strike out with the first tactic (or several tactics) you choose, try something else or reach out for help. When such differences of opinion arise, however, most of us believe that were seeing the issue objectively and correctly, and anyone who has another view is uninformed, irrational, or biased. It can help you step outside the narrative the Gaslighter has whipped up and see things more clearly. The efficacy of empathy training: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. To keep your career on track and find some peace at work, use these 8 tips for how to deal with a difficult coworker. This could eventually erode any positive culture that currently exists. Keep in mind that a part of the problem may also be your boss. Gaslighters are allergic to record keeping. But that visualization reinforced his view of the situation, prompting him to brace for battle every time he spoke with her. What assumptions have I made? Research shows that curiosity brings a host of benefits: It wards off confirmation bias, prevents stereotyping, and helps us approach tough situations not with aggression (fight) or defensiveness (flight) but with creativity. But working with a chronic complainer is exhausting. The first is to actually go against their ideas, so be prepared to fight fire with fire. The Bulldozer: Prevent yourself from being bulldozed by learning how to hold the floor early on in a new role or organization. Let it slide off your shoulders, and only intervene when it interferes with your actual work and professional goals. Its easy to demonize the person who causes us harm, but hating them only pits you against one another. These arent silver bullets that will magically transform your problem coworker into your best friend, but they should make your interactions more tolerable if not more positive. 5 Types Of Difficult Co-Workers And How To Cope - Forbes Avoiding these common tactics will prevent you from making things worse. Take Andre, who was struggling with his colleague Emilia. Maybe theres an opening in another department, or you could be transferred to a different location. While a better understanding of the root of their behavior doesnt erase your frustration, it can help you with techniques to deal with difficult people. A related cognitive shortcut that creates problems is confirmation bias, or the tendency to interpret events or evidence as proving the truth of existing beliefs. Here are 5 common types of difficult coworkers, with examples and tips for dealing with them. Ask about the ETA for their work and politely push for an explanation. Journaling is a great way to put your thoughts into words and channel your negative emotions elsewhere. If they continue to do it, you can be upfront with them. For many employees, its a serious enough issue that it causes a problematic work environment that prompts the search for a new job. Solution: This is a case where its more productive to focus on yourself. Ultimately youre better off trying to create a workable situation with your colleague now. Regardless of what kind of job you have, chances are, you have to interact with a number of people with widely different personalities and sometimes, those personalities just dont mesh with yours. Where your work meets your life. Another tempting response to mistreatment is to fight fire with fire. Gossips love drama, yet their rumor-mongering can be damaging to the organization. Research has shown that people who vividly describe or picture their goals are 1.2 to 1.4 times as likely to achieve them, and that objectives recorded by hand are more likely to be realized. Yes, you have to pay your bills, but you also have to be a functional, healthy human so its worth exploring your job options. No workplace is without difficult co-workers. Micromanagers are terrible at communicating how everyones work will come together to form a cohesive whole. Share examples of what youve observed and why its harmful to the team especially members who are lower status or more introverted and are easily run over by bulldozing behaviors. Unlock business impact from the top with executive coaching. Keep in mind that the real cost of working with a Micromanager (other than exhaustion) is that your long-term goals are being ignored. When a person makes life more stressful for you, it can be challenging to have empathy for them, or try to understand their point of view. The next time you run a meeting, begin with, Lets all go around and say a few things about our backgrounds what our roles are, what teams we work with, what jobs weve done similar to this in the past. Small acts of leadership, like stepping up to spearhead a project or lead a presentation, will help establish your reputation as an authority figure among your team members. When you do approach your boss, dont lead with micromanagement like them. If you retaliate, you could also contribute to normalizing toxic behavior at work. Crying doesnt have to be a sign of weakness. 5 Jerks at Work and How to Deal with Them - Harvard Business Review It can be easy to get sucked in.. Is it possible Im not seeing the situation clearly because Im making assumptions about this person, or unwilling to rethink my initial impression, or unconsciously focusing on our differences? Tips to Help Realtors Deal with Difficult Clients and Colleagues It can even make you more unhappy with your job over time, even if you truly enjoy it. And the worst part of this difficult co-worker is that they tend to drag down the morale of the entire team. In her book, Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them, author Tessa West profiles five specific difficult personalities that youre likely to encounter at the office. This forces them to confirm things in writing, making it more difficult for them to change the narrative later on. But choose whom you talk to (and what you share) carefully. Often other things need to change to prevent incivility, he says things like the incentive system, whos promoted and rewarded, how meetings are run, and the pressure people are under to perform., A few years ago, the head of HR for a health insurance company asked me to train their staff on how to have difficult conversations. The Credit Stealer: Credit stealing is best handled outside of the room where it occurs. Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers - Harvard Business Review When possible, I find the 1:3 rule applies to engaging. No matter the root cause for the behavior, experts say the key thing is not to take it personally. If someone is yelling at you, being rude, or even threatening, its hard to remain calm. Family conflicts present a different dynamic. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. They are generally controlling, poor listeners and their overall attitude can be summed up as my way or the highway.. Follow these 12 steps to handle a difficult co-worker: 1. The difference is that while you might be able to snub someone at the supermarket, doing so at work could have an impact on your career. Feel less angry or frustrated after your interactions? Discover how to also give effective feedback to others. Your goal is to build an understanding of how widespread the problem is and get the names of other potential victims whom you can follow up with. How to deal with any kind of difficult coworker. 1. Once were confident about somethingwhether its our ability to tap out a song or the solution to this quarters budget shortfallwe find it hard to imagine that others wont see it the same way. Documenting their behavior serves as evidence of what the Gaslighter told you privately and in person. Also, make it clear to this difficult co-worker that things aren't going to change if they continue to indulge in chronic complaining. Behind closed doors is where the stealing occurs. Instead we spend time worrying, react in regrettable ways that violate our values, avoid difficult colleagues, and sometimes even withdraw from work entirely. Look, we all need to blow off steam sometimes. When possible, I find the 1:3 rule applies to engaging. If you fail on several occasions, your manager or human resources department can help with conflict resolution. 6 Ways To Deal With Difficult Coworkers - Cleveland Clinic Neither does starting a flame war. Theres always someone who never shows up on time, who borrows your favorite pen and never gives it back, or is regularly rude to you. Sometimes change isnt possible, in which case youll eventually need to cut your losses in a relationship and focus on protecting your career and well-being. And if your colleague says, Yes, Greta does seem grumpy. You should also try to find a social referent a colleague who is well-connected and knows a lot of people in your office or headquarters. Ultimately, dealing with someone who is difficult can be an unpleasant, stress-inducing experience. By making adjustments, you will better connect with a colleague that has a different personality and communication style than your own. We teach people how to treat us, Dr. Childs says. She shares tips for managing your interactions with a co-worker whose personality doesnt mesh well with your own. Another way to surprise the bellyacher is to offer a contrasting opinion. Early on in our careers, technical skills are prioritized over interpersonal ones. Shutting a bulldozer down in the moment requires the person in the highest position of power to publicly interrupt them and tell them that its time to let others speak. What are your goals? I like the way that Bren Brown distinguishes between shame and guilt and explains their relative usefulness: I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful its holding something weve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort. Though each "jerk . But suppressing our emotions rarely helps. So how can we return to our best selves? They are industrious, taking on work no one else wants to do. Using the 'I' statement avoids accusing or blaming a person but expresses how their feelings affect you, states Bowman. They wait for moments of ambiguity times when no one is keeping track of who said what to swoop in and steal. Multiple and more-ambitious goals are OK too. Career and life advice for young professionals. When Im dealing with someone who pushes my buttons, I often fantasize about sending an email to everyone who knows them, outing them as a jerk. Read some of the best messages to say your goodbyes, complete with tips for a meaningful parting note. But those responses can lead to a host of bad outcomes, including reduced creativity, slower and worse decision-making, and even fatal mistakes. How to deal with them. Examine your reaction When a colleague's behavior bothers you, try to examine your reaction. Plenty of people warned me that she would be hard to work with, but I thought I could handle it. What You Need to Know About Marketing to First-Time Homebuyers. My (flawed) logic is that if the person who has wronged me is humiliated enough, they will be forced to change their ways. If you hide anger or frustration, the blood pressure of those around you is likely to rise as well. How to Deal with Difficult Co-Workers: 51+ Proven Ways Never do this head on and alone. . What can you do to improve things now, instead of waiting for someone else to change? Seven strategies to help you make progress with even the most difficult people. Create physical distance If you work in an office space together, you can try to literally distance yourself from your difficult co-worker. Why is knowing how to deal with difficult coworkers important? Whenever he proposed a new idea, she produced a list of reasons why it would never work. If youre working on a small but important part of a large project, dont expect to see the whole thing come together. According to Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., gossiping is a way for humans to bond with one another. However, its worth thinking twice about. Do they have a long commute or stressful meetings once they arrive at work? Determine whether interacting with the coworker at that time is a priority It works well to try and identify whether dealing with your colleague is a priority. In a disagreement its easy to think in polarizing ways: me versus you, enemies at war. Limit your chat with that type of colleague and do your part to keep your conversations decent. Those of us who were taught how to handle conflict well were either lucky to have an exemplary boss or learned through trial and error. That helped him view her as a collaborator rather than an adversary. Anyone who remembers high school knows how this behavior can cause harm. Credit stealing is best handled outside of the room where it occurs. Think back on whether youve been rude or if you mightve done something to instigate this situation. When dealing with a difficult coworker it's important to understand the other person and do some self reflecting. In a good week I could succeed. The difficult co-worker who tends to monopolize conversations, dismiss input from others and make decisions without considering all the facts. Gaslighter: Record everything. Everyone has a story about a difficult coworker. You can also work on coping mechanisms such as deep breathing. "My top tip for handling difficult coworkers is to pause, acknowledge their destructive behavior and direct them towards action. Those leaders also replaced people on their teams so that within that nine-year period, almost 80% of the employee population had turned over, including most of the leadership team. How to deal with difficult coworkers: Tips and examples, me peace at work, use these 8 tips for how to deal with a difficult coworker. Use this communication guide with your team and try to approach any conversations with your difficult coworker in their preferred style. You dont need to be particularly empathic, charismatic, or even well-liked to improve your relationships at work. But often we decide were going to do nothing but actually end up doing a whole lot of things, whether its stewing about the situation, talking incessantly about it to our partner, or becoming passive-aggressive. Promise to echo the contributions each of you share and give credit where credit is due. This forces them to confirm things in writing, making it more difficult for them to change the narrative later on. Especially in times of stress, or when we feel threatened, even the most seasoned workplace veterans can find themselves focusing on the short-term goal of ego or reputation protection (I need to win this argument or to look good in front of my team) rather than the long-term one of behaving honorably and preserving collegiality. Unfortunately, stooping to their level doesnt generally work. Researchshows that toxic co-workers cost companies far more than what the high performers add to the workplace, so its beneficial for employers to take a holistic approach to hiring. Its also worth examining your own behavior. How can you interrupt those biases? Solution: First of all, be kind and respectful. Frustrated outbursts and angry behavior will only harm your career and contribute to a toxic workplace. Prevent yourself from being bulldozed by learning how to hold the floor early on in a new role or organization. Dont feel bad limiting your interactions with them. If difficult colleagues realize that others are speaking badly of them and warning teammates about working with them, theyre more likely to change their ways. But if you like everything else about your job, there are a few steps you can take to minimize a toxic co-workers negative impact. Because of emotional contagion, they might not be conscious that you harbor negativity toward them, but it will still have an effect on them. Ill call her Elise. Communicating in an understanding, compassionate way also helps. The Slider September 21, 2022 Image Source/Getty Images Summary. How do I make friends at work? Don't engage. Psychologists call this emotional leakage. To avoid drama and stay focused on the work, you need to be clear about your goals. If you are becoming overwhelmed or are falling behind, take the initiative and speak up. The sloth is particularly frustrating if your own work depends on theirs. Instead, make sure that every step of the way, you remind yourself that youre dealing with a fellow human, not a robot or an arch villain. Start by coming up with two or three methods you want to test out. But if you like everything else about the work you do, there are a few steps you can take to minimize a toxic co-workers negative impact on your workdays, says counseling psychologistChivonna Childs, PhD. Meet the leadership that's passionate about empowering your workforce. Stay on top of your work by being organised but don't give in to increasingly irrelevant demands. Your ideas, when coming out of their mouths, stick to them and not you. Can Beetroot Powder Improve Athletic Performance? We're on a mission to help everyone live with clarity, purpose, and passion. At work, even small things, like giving a peer mixed feedback, makes us so nervous that wed rather compliment poor work than be honest and constructive. But the guesses were accurate only 2.5% of the time! 10 Tips for Dealing With Difficult People at Work - LiveAbout Most importantly, toot your own hornin other words, publicly claim credit for everything you do. I learned that working out issues among coworkers instead of involving supervisors can be very effective." Related: 12 Ways To Deal With a Difficult Coworker. For example, if youre arguing with your insecure boss about which metrics to report to the senior leadership team, your goals might be to: (1) come up with stats that you can both live with, (2) make sure the senior team knows about your expertise, and (3) find a way to avoid heated disagreements before big meetings in the future. That type of side conversation, whether it happens digitally or in person, can be considered venting. Confrontation will be necessary, but theres an art to confronting a Micromanager. People everywhere are feeling grief, even if they haven't lost a loved one. Gaslighters are allergic to record keeping. Set as much physical space as possible between your difficult co-worker and yourself. This will help protect your mental health in the long run. You can also try changing the subject. Self-awareness and self-regulation are critical skills for managing problematic behavior. If all else fails, it may be time to approach your manager. Some people are best in small doses. If your passive-aggressive teammate says one thing in a meeting and does something completely different afterward, why not do the same to them? Rather than work to change your colleague, try to make progress on that third thing. What is your purpose? The point is to keep at it; remember: even small improvements can make a big difference. She explained that they had a very hierarchical culture and were having trouble getting people to speak up, especially with ideas that challenged the status quo. What matters most to you? (6) Experiment with behavior change to find out what will improve the situation. You might want to confirm that youre not misinterpreting a vague email, get advice on advancing a stalled initiative, or simply be reassured that youre a good person. Your intentions will determineconsciously and subconsciouslyhow you act. Interpersonal conflicts like thatwith insecure bosses, know-it-all colleagues, passive-aggressive peersare common at work, and its easy to get caught up in them. Whether you need career advice, to find better work-life balance, or help developing your career, well always be in your corner. This can be good advice if youre truly able to let it go. This feels familiar, but what have I missed in the past? This article is excerpted from Amys Gallo book, Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) (Harvard Business Review Press 2022). How to Deal With Difficult Coworkers in a Constructive Way Written by MasterClass Last updated: Feb 8, 2022 2 min read Learning a few simple conflict resolution tactics can help you deal with difficult coworkers and managers alike, making it easier to build positive relationships and reach your career goals. Because these are more intimate relationships, where difficult behaviors and disagreements may have been brewing for years, setting boundaries often provides the best solution. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. How will your work life improve? What do you want for yourself? Then, when youre coming up with a plan for how you want to respond to your insecure boss or biased coworker, refer to the list and make sure that the tactics you land on align with your values. Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them. How To Deal With Difficult Coworkers In A Productive Way If you have to engage the person, do it only one out of three times [that] they are provocative, advises Dr. Galasso. At the same time, offering a listening ear doesnt mean that you allow yourself to be mistreated. Suppressing your emotions is associated with poor memory, difficulties in relationships, and physiological costs (such as cardiovascular health problems). Eventually he decided to shift to less-antagonistic thinking. Now what? She disparaged my teammates in front of me, questioning their work ethic and commitment to the company. Its important to recognize and resist this gut reaction. Let them know that this is not a comfortable space for you and not a topic you want to indulge in, Dr. Childs suggests. Dealing with a difficult coworker is a delicate matter. If you see that your boss is clearly enabling a Bulldozer, try approaching them privately. For as hard as they work, most are disorganized when it comes to long-term planning. Example 3. Keep trying, tweaking, and refreshing experiments or abandoning ones that dont produce results. If its not prohibiting you from effectively doing your job or producing quality work, it may not be an issue. No matter what type of difficult colleague youre dealing with or what you decide to do next, these seven strategies can improve your odds of responding productively, establishing appropriate boundaries, and building stronger, more fulfilling collaborations at work. First, get a better sense of your susceptibility to them by taking an online quiz such as the one from Project Implicit, a nonprofit started by researchers at Harvard, the University of Washington, and the University of Virginia. How were you able to persevere? Suppressing our emotions rarely helps. Build leaders that accelerate team performance and engagement. Empathy and understanding are two of the most vital skills for working with difficult coworkers. View on-demand BetterUp events and learn about upcoming live discussions. I prided myself on being able to get along with anyone. During this and previous times that I had conflicted with my close family and friends, I noticed a pattern and was also triggered by them, she explains. Control Your Tone of Voice. Continuing to be kind and respectful, you can simply say, I actually enjoyed that meeting. If you dont echo their complaints, this difficult coworker will likely get bored and move onto the next person. You can stay calm and composed in challenging situations by recognizing your triggers and learning to regulate your emotions, Bowman notes. Then, agree to follow up with a few short, structured check-ins to ensure progress is being made. You cant be certain of what the future holds for you and your colleague, so be curious instead. Before anything, check in with yourself 5 types of difficult coworkers How to deal with any kind of difficult coworker Everyone has a story about a difficult coworker.

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